I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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