She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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