the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
