Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
