We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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