bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
