I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
