This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
