my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
