I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
