he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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