while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
