Your mouth is God's brothel.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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