My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
two words: eviction party
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
