What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
