1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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