Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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