I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
MIDGETS
????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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