I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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