i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
