We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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