Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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