everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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