It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
