You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
