please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
