I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
