Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
