I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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