My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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