she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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