So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
