And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize