whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
