Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
