I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
