hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
