My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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