I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
