Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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