I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
