and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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