my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
