I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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