If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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