As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
