Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
