Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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