there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
