It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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