now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
