Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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