It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
