dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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