I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i will never coherently bang her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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