I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
