we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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