I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
