just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
