he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
