Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
