We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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