Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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