She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
