I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
