You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
