did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
