I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
