Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
