We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
