On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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