My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
