Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
