If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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