I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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