I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
