i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
