blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize