Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
